“Here in Prison” is a collaboration of writings from various inmates all over the United States sent to me by Joel Fox, inmate at Folsom Prison, whose Buddhist meditation practice I help support through letter writing. Find more info on SF Zen Center Prison Correspondence project here.
The lower the I.Q. the louder the mouth, it’s easy to get in, it’s hard to get out. Some men thrive, while some wilt. Freedom is a state of mind, there is nowhere to hide from anyone or anything, it creates the perfect environment for Self-awareness. Regardless of the extent of the injury or ailment you will have trained medical personnel look you in the eye with complete seriousness and try to convince you that ibuprofen (motrin) will correct the condition. No matter who you are, or how long you have been in, some idiot is going to “try” you (want to fight you). You will never know the condition of someone’s mental health, or stability until you share a cell with them. Try as you might, you can never explain any of it to your Family, there is only one way for them to ever understand it. “Pray they never do.”
You may encounter a coffee cup that hasn’t been washed in over ten years. Anything can be sold: spots in line, pet lizards, crickets to feed the pet lizard bed making services, the food off your tray, cigarette rolling services, drugs, alcohol, sex, protection, artwork, tattoos, laundry washing service, pen-pals, magazines, books, and photos of women.
You will find out that, no matter how hard you try, you cannot move objects with your mind.
There are 7, 962 ways to fix a top ramen noodle soup.
There is no way possible to explain to a five-year-old why you can’t come home. No matter how many pairs of handcuffs, leg irons, or waist-chains you have on you will find a way to scratch an itch. No matter where it may be. You will find yourself happily eating food that your own Mother was never able to get you to touch. At three a.m. out of a dead sleep you will be able to instantly recite a six-digit number faster than you could your own name. You will see things that you’ll wish you hadn’t, and wish for things you’ll never see.
While dreaming of having sex with someone miles or even years away, there may be someone twenty feet away, dreaming of having sex with you.
You can spend a lifetime in here without ever owning anything larger than a pair of shoes. It becomes real easy to worry about even the slightest medical problem. When you have a long awaited visit from your Family scheduled for the next day, someone, whom you know in your heart you can beat in a fight, is going to run his mouth to you about something. And you’re going to have to just stand there and take it. You will find out that insanity comes in many forms and degrees. You will realize that if you had followed the advice of the Women that have loved you, your life would have been “very different.” You will discover that many of our best memories can be relived through country-western songs. Even the worst childhood can be looked back on fondly. Some men will do damn near anything for a cigarette. You’ll see a poisonous spider in your Cell, start to kill it, decide that it isn’t hurting anything, and start to feed it, name it, and then get mad at anyone else who tries to kill it.
You will be amazed at what can be hidden under a shirt.
You will learn that almost everyone has a redeeming value. The lowest form alive is a cell thief. There isn’t near as much snitching as people think, the idiots are just too damn stupid to realize that they keep doing things that get themselves caught. Hope is the strongest force in nature. True happiness is experienced upon receiving a letter from loved ones. I once had an argument with a guy. I said that there were fifty states in the United States of America, he said there were fifty-two. Somehow I lost that damn argument. When someone tells you that he owned a fleet of semi trucks, you have to assume that he really knew someone who owned a fleet of semi trucks. “It’s just a hustle.”
You just may discover that you have a knack for counting the holes in a window security screen. On a cold winter morning, you will realize that there is a special place in hell reserved for the inventor of the stainless steel toilet. A rule does not require a function. You will find out that there are an incredible amount of songs that make reference to doing time.
The stupid shall inherit the control of the Television.
You’ll realize that you truly didn’t appreciate a damn thing you had. There is no saving some people from themselves and you’ll only get hurt by trying. You will meet the “doctor, lawyer, or artist” that could have been. Being asleep can be the greatest thing. Minding your own business is a virtue. And it just may save your life. The damnedest people get out, and keep coming back, while some really good people sit and grow old. You will meet people who can call up every super-bowl game ever played, recite all of the plays and players statistics, but can’t get their GED.
A person locked into cell A will make a deal with the person in Cell B to obtain a cigarette. Though the Cells are locked and a hundred feet apart, the cigarette will make it from Cell B to Cell A without help from anyone outside the cells. Someone who has killed a thousand people, will cry over the death of a pet mouse. Some of the cops should be inmates and some the inmates should be cops. Most times a person’s crime will tell you nothing of the person.
You will find out that you can make a pet out of damned near anything. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, usually back to their cells so they won’t get into trouble. You will see two guys playing cards and overhear one of the guys call the other guy the luckiest S.O.B that he has ever seen, even thought the lucky S.O.B in question may have spent thirty years in prison. You can find yourself hating someone you know absolutely nothing about.
Books, not dogs are man’s best friend. Give a guy or girl in here a chance to prove him/her self and he/she will, one way or the other. When one first gets to prison beware of the first person who comes up to talk with you. This person wants something, and by being new (Fish) you are probably the only person in the room in the place that does not see this person for what they are.
The minutes seem like hours, the days like months, and the years when ticking by seem like seconds. Never judge a book by its cover, just assume it’s a horror book and leave it there. Some of the most dangerous men you will ever encounter may have shaved legs. You don’t have to win the fight, just participate. If you walk upon a guy punching his own face while staring into a mirror, leave him alone. He knows what he’s doing and you don’t want to know.
In twenty years’ time you can become as smart, or as stupid as it’s possible to get. Never go to sleep with your eyes or ears covered, you just may wake up with your mouth covered. If no one asked you for your input, don’t offer it. If someone does ask for your input, be careful, because chances are good that you are about to piss someone off. Make noise wherever you go. It just may save you from seeing something that you wish you hadn’t. Never ask about the health of someone’s Family until you are absolutely positively sure that he didn’t kill them. I don’t know how they do it, but you’ve got to give these buttons on the sink credit. They know the exact moment to the split second, the worst possible time to turn off.
Prison Outreach Project, SF Zen Center
Many prison inmates write to San Francisco Zen Center seeking support in beginning or maintaining their Buddhist studies and practice. We offer free Buddhist literature and find pen-pals for inmates interested in regular correspondence about Buddhist practice.
Volunteers need not be experts; anyone actively engaged in Buddhist practice with a willingness to share their thoughts and experiences is an excellent candidate. It’s a great way to support and reach out to our dharma brothers and sisters in prison.
You may receive mail from prisoners at the San Francisco Zen Center. If you are interested, please contact Jeffrey Schneider, our Prison Correspondence Coordinator, by email jeffrey.schneider@sfzc.org or phone 415.354.0379.